Hot and humid and ARVO all over
FROM THE VAULT: June 22, 2012
Once a spunky 'little engine that could,' FutureBrand North America is now a greased lightnin' Acela train rollin' faster and faster down the tracks of growth (bar car and iffy Wi-Fi service included). We've gathered an impressive client roster along the way - featuring some of the world's most enviable acronyms - and employ more designers named Joo than we have conference rooms or working toilets. But as any branding historian or sci-fi aficionado will attest, the larger an empire grows, the more vulnerable it is to destruction.
For instance, when Holmfridur and Darth Vader built the first Death Star, the ruthless, asthmatic henchman, partying all night with Scott Williams at the Mos Eisley Cantina, missed an important early morning status meeting. This oversight resulted in a poorly executed thermal exhaust port, which Luke Skywalker exploited to detonate the ship's reactor core (how's that for some geeked-out Star Wars knowledge!). Holmfridur, understandably, was not pleased. Hungover and ashamed, the Sith lord got on bended knee and begged her forgiveness. But it was too late. The rebel alliance had won. And Darth Vader's been mowing Holmfridur's lawn ever since.
Which begs the question, what possible pitfalls, potential potholes or misguided miscalculations can bring the FutureBrand mothership down? Is it...
...a SCUD missile fired from Landor across the street?
...a poison ivy outbreak across Scott's, Trae's, Stephen's (and now) Nicky No Sock's bare ankles?
...will the AA team, locked in a room together for 15 minutes, bust out and go on a killing rampage?
Yesterday, as Marcus' hair and Jim's shirt can attest, faulty air conditioning will bring this joint to its knees faster than a missed Budweiser delivery. When they're not carpet-bombing us with Jordin Sparks concert reminders, IPG recently determined the optimal indoor temperature for a successful branding agency is 97 degrees, with a relative humidity just a touch under 150%.
Should this trend continue, to cool down, droves of us will undoubtedly screw up our timesheets on purpose...just to enjoy Holmfridur's chilling, icy stare of swift, refreshing punishment.
Until then, please join us tonight at Watering Hole, 5:30 pm sharp. It may be the last time you see Scott Williams or Daniele alive, as they're "competing" against Gunnar in a friendly game of basketball tomorrow.
$300 cap, lushes. And please, don't let Victoria figure out the tip.